This past week has been really tough on me. 제주도 is a beautiful island. The city of 서귀포 is the southern half of the island. The beach is about 50 yards from our little house about the size of my parents bedroom. With our little church being about 10 feet away. My new area, very similar to my last, is known for not necessarily being to populous, modernized, or easy for missionary work.
The week started off fairly well I thought. I got to see my way around the new city which wasent much bigger then Sam Cheon Po. I met my new comp. Elder Heo Jeong Haeng. He has only been out for 5 transfers but he is an awesome missionary. He isnt half bad at english either. So the week went on ad we did many various activities. Thursday we did service at a members bed and breakfast. We cleaned up trash and did other tasks for about 2 hours and then they fed us and we taught them the plan of salvation. From there bed and breakfast you can see the JejuWorld Cup Arena. It looks pretty awesome.
But as the week went on i had a lot of troubles. I is commonly known in korea that people in jeju dont speak korean. Most native koreans dont understand them, let alone a foreigner who has just been studying korean for 5 months. As we did various lessons I realized i had know idea what was going on. My comp talked the whole time and i sat there trying my hardest to follow the thread. On one occasion we had gone to visit less actives with a member and the sister missionaries. I sat there completely focused on the less active trying to discern what i should say while at the same time trying, but with no avail, to figure out what she was saying.
After that meeting i was so mentally drained that i actually just fell asleep on our car ride home and my comp took me home for the day because i was spent. Saturday we were able to watch the two saturday sessions of conference. I sat off to the side with a members smart phone and headphones so that i could listen to it in english. Afterwards i was so invigorated by the spirit that i knew nothing could stop me.
We went to visit a referral that night and i was confident going into it. It was a disaster. I faced the same porblem that night as i had in my previous lessons. We went home in the pouring rain and i sat in my chair and pondered. Ive read all of these insperational things telling me how missionaries receive this wonderfoul power to speak the language. Ive heard personal accounts from close missionary friends about it. My fellow mtc group seems to be doing just fine. So i thought and thought about why this is happening to me. Why arent i receiving any help. I was so completely frustrated. I felt like the most unnefective missionary in existence, and of 0 use to my companion. I contemplated how i could change. But in all reality ive been doing what im told. I study the scriptures hard, the language hard, and i pray with all sincerity of heart but nothing. I honestly at one point questioned why i was doing what am i doing. I wasent helping anyone. I went to bed that night probably the lowest ive ever felt in my entire life. I woke up grudgingly and went to church.
As i put on my headphones and listened to the first speaker, Elder Uchtedorf, his message pierced me. How no matter who you are or what you are doing, at some point you wont be in the best circumstances of life. You may feel like giving up and you may be mad and frustrated, and you may ask why its happening. And he said the best way to get over that is to be grateful. It seems counter intuitive. But when i heard that talk i knew or rather am knowing what i have to do. That message from over a week ago happened to come at the time when i needed it most. I know i dont know the language and that things rarely work out the way you plan them to seemingly.
But i do know that Heavenly Father helps those who are faithful. Its not easy to be grateful especially when you are hating life. Things are a lot better now then they were. Its crazy how emotions can change from day to day so easily. But Itll be ok now im sure. Ill keep struggling and throught it things will be better. I love you all and hope you are all doing wonderfully. Ill write you all again next week and ill see you soon.
Elder Maccarthy
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